Taking the Kids™
Giving Mom Permission to Get a Break
Am I having fun yet?
I’m lying on a table with a cloth over my eyes getting needles poked into my ankle, ear, and wrist.
I’m not sure I’d call acupuncture “fun.” But it’s certainly something I’ve never before tried and that was the idea. Hopefully, the treatment will help my aching back.
My son jokes that I’m going to come home “empowered.” I’m just trying to spend a weekend doing what’s hardest for busy moms – focus on myself. To that end, I’ve invited my two oldest friends to join me for the weekend at Canyon Ranch in Lenox, Mass., to belatedly celebrate our birthdays.
More than a spa, (though every kind of spa treatment is available) Canyon Ranch, with its stately historic mansion, spectacular 100,000 square-foot spa and gym complex, and 120 acres in the heart of the Berkshires (it’s an easy drive from the Hartford/Springfield airport), bills itself as a wellness resort.
Warning: you can drink alcohol only in your room and smoke only in a designated outdoor area. Canyon Ranch is a place where guests can take time out from a frenetic life (most of the resort is deemed a cell phone-free zone) and consider changes they might make to feel better mentally as well as physically.
“The hope is if nothing else, you’ll go home with one little nugget of advice that will help put you in a better place,” says Dr. Cindy Geyer, the medical director at Canyon Ranch/Lenox. The concept clearly has appeal: 60 percent of the guests here and at the first Canyon Ranch, established more than 25 years ago in Tucson, return and the resorts consistently win awards.
“If you can’t spend time on yourself, you’re not going to be able to take care of anyone else and that’s why women burn out, ” says Dr. Geyer, herself the busy mom of 10-year-old-twins. Easier said than done, Dr. Geyer acknowledges.
The reality is we may be doing our kids a favor, suggests Dr. David Fassler, a Vermont child and adolescent psychiatrist, medical school professor, and a trustee of the American Psychiatric Association. “It’s good for kids to have a break from Mom so they can appreciate all the things she does and have some space to do things their own way, enhancing their sense of independence,” he says.
Besides, he adds, “Parents need time to recharge; they’ll have more energy, empathy, and emotional resilience to care for their kids.”
Maybe that means trying Yoga or Tai Chi, learning to kayak, taking a cooking class, or meeting with an exercise physiologist or nutritionist. Maybe that means spending meaningful time with your own mom or sisters. “When we get together at home, we’re always being interrupted by the kids,” explained Tracy Holleran, who lives in Fairfield, CT, and was with her mom.
For my friends and me, the best part is the chance to catch up. But just as important, for once we’re on vacation without – and this is key – worrying the whole time about everyone else’s happiness.
It’s wonderful that the biggest decision we face is how to spend our time: A bike ride, a weights class, a lavender wrap treatment, or all three? It’s liberating to be away from email and the phone, away from carpools, and away from demanding bosses and kids.
Someone else is cooking delicious low-fat meals, doing the dishes, and making our beds. There’s a eucalyptus-scented steam room (my favorite) and lectures on everything from managing stress to improving your sex life. You can try African drumming, get your Tarot cards read, soak in the hot tub, or book a massage (there are more than a dozen different ones to choose from).
See www.canyonranch.com for rates and deals, especially the popular parent-child package. But as wonderful as this place can be, you don’t have to come here to get that message. Wherever you are, urges Dr. Geyer, “just give yourself permission to take some time for yourself.”
© Copyright Eileen Ogintz 2005
